Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Ridin' High with the Giraffe Socks Legend

  • As if the Pistons season had not become pathetic enough, now we have this weird issue at practice between Charlie Villanueva and Austin Daye. Apparently something major went down, but thankfully, both players did the mature thing by posting bizarre messages to their Twitter feeds all afternoon. Villanueva said, "This has been a very fustrating year, it just only got worse 2day, I have never experienced, in my 5 years, what I have experience this year." We learn here that Charlie V is definitely unhappy with his current situation, and also very confused as to when is the appropriate time to use a comma. The rookie Daye tweeted back with, "Sonthin happened to me today that won't every happen again and I'm just venting right now but I'm twisted mad and and gunna b ready 4 r game." Again, we see a not-so-peachy Detroit Piston and a less than stellar mastery of the English language. I like how Villanueva is simply "frustrated" with the incident, while Daye is actually "twisted mad." Sort of a sad representation of their personalities on the court too, isn't it? Villanueva is always floating around the floor, not really caring one way or another what happens. At least Daye seems to have an ounce of emotion in his body, even if he does lack any discernible basketball ability to go with it. Maybe we'll find out in the coming days what this whole fracas revolved around, but I can tell you one thing they were definitely not fighting over...a defensive rebound. Bup bup bup.
  • I'm not saying Barack Obama has the worst throwing motion of all-time, but let's just say he makes Lori Petty from A League of their Own look like Walter Johnson. That was atrocious, Mr. President, and I think we would all understand if you decided to step down as Commander in Chief, effective immediately. It was that bad. Health care, Schmealth Care; real issues take place at 60 feet, 6 inches. And when placed there Monday, Obama, the "Most powerful man in the free world," turned to jelly and looked about as confident as an aging cow at the starting line in the Farm Animal 100-Meter Dash. Absolutely brutal.
  • Most times, people are impressed with other people when they are able to come up with an answer to a really tough question or simply display a large amount of knowledge on a particular subject. Well, on Saturday I was wildly impressed with somebody for knowing absolutely nothing at all. At a stoppage during the MSU-Butler game, a few highlights of Geno Auriemma's dominating UCONN team were flashed across the screen. My Dad piped up and casually wondered aloud, "Has the women's tournament started yet?" This is a guy that knows more about the world of sports than 99% of the general public, and yet, he had absolutely no clue that the women's bracket had been unfolding for three weeks and that their Final Four was already set. Such complete unawareness of a particular topic has never been more refreshing.
  • Cameron Maybin got his 2010 campaign off to a rollicking start with an 0-for-4 at the dish, accompanied by a cute little trio of swinging strikeouts each time he faced Johan Santana. Fortunately for "Five Tools" Maybin, the Mets pulled Santana in the 7th with the game in hand, allowing Cameron the privilege of actually putting the ball in play, which he did by bouncing a depressing grounder to short for his final action of the day. I'd be shocked if this guy lasts the year in the big leagues, and if he does, I'd be doubly shocked if he hits above two-fiddy. He's basically like Willie Mays Hayes from Major League, only Maybin never seems to realize he should stop taking big cuts and instead be concentrating on slapping the ball around and using his speed to his advantage. If the Marlins were smart, they'd get Lou Brown on the horn immediately. He knows how to deal with guys like this. Brown would ensure Maybin's success by making sure he does several thousand push-ups while stressing the importance of hitting the ball on the ground.
  • That Andrew Bogut injury on Saturday night was quite simply one of the worst things I have ever witnessed. And this is coming from a guy that has seen 5 of 6 movies in the Saw franchise. (If you haven't seen the play, click here.) He just went up so high, and came down so hard, with one-hundred percent of the fall being absorbed by his woefully helpless right elbow. Oy, I cringe just thinking about it. Seriously, try and watch the highlight without audibly gasping or half-covering your eyes when Bogut is about to crash. It's not possible. Just a really tough break for the fightin' Glenn Robinsons. The team surprised everybody this season by overachieving with a weird mix of rookies, veterans, and complete journeymen. This injury, however, forces old warhorse Kurt Thomas into the starting lineup. And let's not forget, this is the same Kurt Thomas that led Division-I in scoring fifteen years ago. Not exactly the guy you want battling Dwight Howard 40 minutes a night come playoff time. The Bucks are still headed for a spot in the post season, but their chances of putting a scare into somebody were essentially obliterated with the loss of Bogut.

    (Sidenote: Nobody has really had the guts to call out Amar'e Stoudemire on this play, but I'll do it. I thought it was dirty. Everybody knows that when a guy is either a) about to take off or b) already airborne, you stay away. Even the slightest bit of contact when a player is at this most vulnerable state can lead to devastating injuries, which was precisely the case here. Stoudemire trailed Bogut all the way, had no chance of stopping the eventual dunk, and should have simply stopped his own momentum and allowed the play to conclude. But instead, he trails closely behind, and when Bogut begins to elevate, places his hand ever so gently on the small of Bogut's back, giving the big fella just enough superfluous momentum to cause the horrific descent to the hardwood. I hate nothing more in basketball than a dirty play that leads to an injury, which is why at some point I will be devoting 12,000 words to Eric Snow sticking his foot under Chauncey's landing spot in the 2003 playoffs, and why I think capital punishment would have been an appropriate consequence in the aftermath of that situation.)
  • Placido Polanco bombed a grand slam and collected six ribbies for the Phillies on Opening Day. Still confused as to why Tigers' brass viewed Polanco as expendable this past off-season. I know money was an issue, but isn't three years at $6 million per a pretty fair deal for a career .300 hitter that plays Gold Glove defense at second? A lot of people are excited about young Scott Sizemore and the numbers he's put up as a minor leaguer, but forgive me if I'm a bit trepidatious. Frankly, I think I liked Sizemore better the first time he was with the Tigers...you know, when he was called Warren Morris.
  • Dear MLB Extra Innings 'Free Preview Week,'

    I love you. Like, more than a friend.

    -Yours Truly, High Socks Legend-

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