Monday, October 12, 2009

The High Socks Legend's 100th Article Anniversary


Today marks the 100th entry in the history of the High Socks Legend. What better way to celebrate the anniversary than to thank a few of those that have lent a hand along the way? Let's get this party started with big-time thanks...

To Baron Davis, who took center stage in the High Socks Universe for the better part of the winter with his nightly shooting adventures on the hardwood. The Clippers' "star" managed to play 62 straight NBA games without once shooting better than 50% from the floor (an unconfirmed NBA record). At first, it was just a funny little streak that most likely would come to an end soon after its first mention. But then just like that bass-drumming rabbit, it just kept going...and going...and going. It soon became a national phenomenon. Clippers message boards were blowing up. Team bloggers were openly plagiarizing yours truly for material. The LA Times placed this prestigious site on their daily "Top 5 NBA Reads" along with similarly successful operations like the New York Times and ESPN.com. Most people saw Baron's nauseating run of basketballing ineptitude as a negative. But for the High Socks Legend, it was pure gold. Let's just hope the addition of #1 pick Blake Griffin doesn't do anything to ruin Baron's misfiring ways. I only have so many good ideas per year...

To BK, a proud member of the High Socks cult since its infancy...the only problem being that the guy is also a charter member of the Detroit Lions, Hilary Duff, and Perfect Strangers (yeah, the TV show) fan clubs. Not sure if I'm exactly in elite company, there...
(Note: the Perfect Strangers fanaticism is mutual...that show really was good.)

To Brother Sam, the blog's resident right hand man from the first printing. He'll bang away with a late night or early morning edit, then send me a complimentary/not-so-complimentary text saying something like, "Loved the article. Perfect ending. Oh, and I found two typos...lush." He's made some mistakes himself, however. There was his never-fully-explained storming out of the room when an LPGA playoff was flicked off the TV. There was the infamous "Day without Daylight" when both of us played more Nintendo-64 than any human being really has the right to in a 24-hour period. And for the cherry on top, Sam recently declared, "I hate that f$%#king split-screen" when the 60-inch Sony was (I thought justifiably) equally divided by Lions-Steelers and Red Sox-Angels in the late stages of a potential clincher playoff game. Not exactly the kind of comment that's gonna earn you respect in these circles, especially when he revealed for which side he wanted to give the full-screen treatment. (Let's just say the words 'Dennis' and 'Northcutt' were involved.) Not a banner day for the VP of High Socks Nation.

To Marty Baseball, a loyal High Socks reader that has forgotten more about our national pastime than most will learn in their lifetimes. The guy won't answer your question unless it is presented in a trivia-like format, and you really gotta respect him for that.

To Cousin Mayer, a High Socks reader and supporter from day one. He has made two very significant contributions to society in the last number of years. First, he discovered a unique way to keep bottles of pop cold at all times in the winter by nestling them cozily in the snow just outside the screen door of the house. Very little fuss or muss, and ice-cold beverages at all times. The man knows what's important. Switching seasons, when Mayer happens to be enjoying a bite to eat outdoors in the summer, and bees decide to impinge on the festivities, he has mastered the following technique. Grabs an empty cup. Carefully and quietly raises said cup to desired height so as not to frighten or disturb the troublemaking bee. At the moment of truth, May slams the cup down over the unsuspecting flying terrorist, bringing some much needed peace back to the once enjoyable lunch. It's a harmless crime. He will normally let the bee just buzz around inside his new home until the end of the meal, at which point he lets him free to go irritate some other party. To see the whole routine in full is like watching a young Mr. Miyagi at work...minus the chopsticks and broken English, of course.

To Will Bynum, the spritely dynamo off the Pistons' bench that I had a brief obsession with during the second half of last season. His lack of playing time from then head coach Michael Curry drove me off the deep end on more than one occasion, and you can only hope that new boss John Kuester will get the clue and finally allow Bynum to unleash all of the untapped potential stored inside that not quite six-foot frame.

To my boy Aubrey, who used to be a frequent contributor to the "Comments" section following each article before he got blasted a few too many times by anonymous readers, causing him to take his frustrations out on his keyboard like Carlos Perez did to that Gatorade cooler in the late 90's. We probably played somewhere in the neighborhood of 5,000 hours of Ken Griffey Baseball on N-64 back in the day, and I'd venture to say there isn't a person alive that could challenge either one of us. Prettttty proud of ourselves...

To The Good Doctor, my Dad. Never one to just watch sports with a passive mind, he has come up with many a revolutionary idea while sittin' on the couch taking in a ballgame. For example, ever find yourself watching a football game and continually lamenting the amount of penalty flags being thrown, specifically the "it could theoretically be called on every play" holding infraction?? My Dad has been down that road, but he refused to just sit by and not come up with a solution. He suggests equipping all of the offensive linemen (minus the center) with, get this...boxing gloves. Sounds crazy, right?? Not so fast. My Dad points out that an offensive lineman is taught to block using leverage, weight, and hand placement. None of these things would be effected by the use of boxing gloves. However, what it would do is restrict these behemoths from simply grabbing a handful of jersey on every snap and robbing us of the next 2-3 minutes of our life while the zebras sort out all the laundry. Think about how much more pleasant and less choppy the action would be. A fascinating idea to be sure, and one that would make in-game brawls about fifty times more thrilling than they are now.

To Dennis Farina, the most underappreciated actor in the history of American cinema...and the only one whose mustache alone can make you weak in the knees. In February, a full column was rightly devoted to his career-long brilliance. The article made its way over to his representation, and that's where things started to heat up. I received an e-mail a few weeks later saying that his people absolutely loved the article. They forwarded it on to his wife, who also enjoyed the piece so much that she printed it out, tied a ribbon around it, and presented it to Farina himself at the breakfast table on the morning of his birthday. I'm not making any of this up. A few months later, after I'd lost complete hope of receiving any type of acknowledgment from the legend himself, a large package arrived in the mail. As he always does, Farina came through. There were the half dozen autographed DVD's of his classics, ranging from Reindeer Games to Little Big League and of course, the timeless Striking Distance. There was an autographed copy of his CD. Now I could fall asleep whenever I wanted to with his gravelly pipes dancing on my ears. A baseball cap from his production company (obviously a last minute throw-in, but still appreciated). And the grand finale, a handwritten letter from the one and only Dennis. He thanked me so much for the "wonderful article" and finished with a perfect send-off, "Maybe one day we'll meet on a movie set." I think Farina said it best during his memorable back-and-forth with Bruce Willis in the aforementioned Striking Distance..."There's an old Italian saying: don't burn your tongue on another man's soup." A solid credo to live by. And it's all thanks to Dennis Farina...a true American icon, and a High Socks Legend for life.


I sincerely appreciate all of the readers that have made it a point to keep up with the High Socks Legend since the beginning one year ago. I hope you have enjoyed all of the various material thus far (even if some of it is a little bit different...okay, real different), and will continue to do so in the future. Feel free to leave a thought below or reach me by E-mail at highsockslegend@gmail.com

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Keep up the good work! Although I don't post comments as often as I'd like, I'm a regular reader and enjoy your humor.
Regards,
Kenny Banya

Aubrey said...

Way to write a tribute to the readers! I would also venture to guess that nobody heard more cracked bat hits from Mo Vaughn than us!

BK said...

I appreciate the shout out, you should be happy you're in such high company, I venture you'll follow the same path that my beloved Detroit Lions, Hilary Duff, and Perfect Strangers have continued to follow. One of immense potential, with nowhere to continue, but up. The Detroit Lions can only improve infinitely from here on out. Perfect Strangers spun off into the successful Family Matters- continuing on it's legacy forever. And Hilary Duff's version of Bonnie and Clyde will cement her legacy (of ruining remakes) forever.

Mr. Legend, I wish you equal (because you can't go higher than the top) success than all mentioned above.

BK

Anonymous said...

Dear HSL-

I used to be a regular reader of your blog, but now I'm boycotting on principle.

Sincerly,

Major Payne

Mayer said...

Congratulations! Hopefully by your next milestone blog the cubs will have won the world series, the lions will win another game and baron Davis will break his own record. And I will break the record for most bees caught in a single cup.

Gary said...

You continue to be the man, and I'm proud to know you! I will keep sending all these entertaining works to all my BB contacts, and will referecne you constantly when my new blog appears soon!

Thomas said...

Dennis Farino, are you kidding me? wow high socks just became dirty socks. Snoop Tom Tom

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