Monday, February 15, 2010

Kwik Hitters on a Munday

  • Saw The Blind Side over the weekend. One thing I couldn't figure out though was if the actor playing Michael Oher was actually made of wood. I'd appreciate some clarification on this.
  • Anybody ever take a really good bite out of a cupcake without getting the frosting all over your damn nose?? Yeah, I didn't think so.
  • What's the deal with that that option when you’re on the phone with some kind of voice message system, and it says, “To end this call, press 6.” Wouldn't I just hang up??!!
  • What’s with these guys that use napkins to clean their hands?? What, you got no sleeves or your shirt? Aren’t you wearing pants? Cmon, be a man!

  • It seems like certain names are only found in certain age groups. Like, have you ever met a kid named Mort before? How about a Grampa Justin? These things just don’t happen. I think once in a while, a 75-year old man named Mort just drops out of the sky. He can’t remember anything about his childhood. Maybe it’s because he only existed as an old guy. Same thing with the Justins and Andys of the world. They're all over the place when they are 5-18 years old, and then one day, vamooosh, they're gone.. Where do they go? I think they just switch places with all the Abes and Morts and we move on like nothing happened.
  • It is a proven fact that you are 75 percent more likely to order a particular kind of bagel if it has the "HOT" label attached to the bottom of its crate.
  • Don't ya hate that guy that argues an opposing viewpoint even if he doesn't believe half of what he is actually saying just for the sake of "playing the devil's advocate"?? Instead of doing that, how about you just do us all a big favor and shut the $#^@ up??
  • Am I the only person in the world that finds Kenny Smith absolutely unbearable on TNT? He was plastered all over the screen during All-Star Weekend, and for the life of me, I cannot figure out why. He's not funny, he's a subpar analyst, and for the most part, he always seems to be screaming. The only thing I'll give him is that he might be better than Brent Barry, a man so lifeless on the air that I often find myself worrying whether or not he has an actual operating pulse. I've seen more personality from a 2-by-4.
  • If you watched more than 12-14 minutes of the Olympic Luge competition over the weekend, then you're probably closely related to one of the competitors. Otherwise, there really isn't any excuse, and you are probably a complete lush. End of story.
  • You know Spring Training is right around the corner when you start reading things like, "Eddie Bonine is a candidate for the 5th spot in the Tigers rotation." I'm convinced that guy could actually lose his right arm in a winter hunting accident, and he would still be considered a candidate for that spot. It's a true Detroit rite of spring, and it wouldn't feel right without it.

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